At a loss...{blogtoberfest day 7}

as to what to do with my life. I 'thought' I had it all worked out, I was going to do child care, I did a course (which I am yet to finish), even got a job and was loving it until I had 'issues' with another staff member, that's a whole other blog post, anyway, I'm coming to realise that it isn't the right 'fit' for me. Nor is it the best fit for my back. After working just one day I could barely walk! I was in so much pain from my hip.

So I've been dealing with all feelings of guilt and annoyance at my self for not doing it. But it depresses me, I don't feel fulfilled doing the job. I need something more. But what I'm not 100% sure of.

I need to be doing something creative but what? I'm so frustrated. I love the idea of interier design but then I think am I going to do the same thing again, do a course, get 2/3 the way through it and realise it isn't for me??? This has been happening for as long as I've wanted a job. First I wanted to be a chef, did the first course, even got myself a job working in the city in wolfgang pucks restraunt, but turned it down as I had just gotten together with my first serious boyfriends (now my other half) and I was young and stupid. So then I started working at mum's work helping out. It was in the social justice dept, so I thought yeah I want to be a corrections officer, so off I went to tafe to study that. Yet again, I didn't finish and after my contract ran out I let go of the idea. The next was to become a vet nurse, I got myself a traineeship, studied but when I got pregnant and left to go on mat leave I didn't finish the second year and when we lost our baby I couldn't go back due to mental health issues.

So for those keeping score here's a quick rundown

• Wanted to be a chef, studied, got a job didn't take job, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a corrections officer, started to study, was working, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a vet nurse, studied, got a job, due to life reasons, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a child carer, studied, got a job, studied....

And here we are.

I have my dream firmly set in my mind but that is a long way off and I need to be earning $ to go towards not only my family but to help my dream come reality!

Who knows, I sure don't!