At a loss...{blogtoberfest day 7}

as to what to do with my life. I 'thought' I had it all worked out, I was going to do child care, I did a course (which I am yet to finish), even got a job and was loving it until I had 'issues' with another staff member, that's a whole other blog post, anyway, I'm coming to realise that it isn't the right 'fit' for me. Nor is it the best fit for my back. After working just one day I could barely walk! I was in so much pain from my hip.

So I've been dealing with all feelings of guilt and annoyance at my self for not doing it. But it depresses me, I don't feel fulfilled doing the job. I need something more. But what I'm not 100% sure of.

I need to be doing something creative but what? I'm so frustrated. I love the idea of interier design but then I think am I going to do the same thing again, do a course, get 2/3 the way through it and realise it isn't for me??? This has been happening for as long as I've wanted a job. First I wanted to be a chef, did the first course, even got myself a job working in the city in wolfgang pucks restraunt, but turned it down as I had just gotten together with my first serious boyfriends (now my other half) and I was young and stupid. So then I started working at mum's work helping out. It was in the social justice dept, so I thought yeah I want to be a corrections officer, so off I went to tafe to study that. Yet again, I didn't finish and after my contract ran out I let go of the idea. The next was to become a vet nurse, I got myself a traineeship, studied but when I got pregnant and left to go on mat leave I didn't finish the second year and when we lost our baby I couldn't go back due to mental health issues.

So for those keeping score here's a quick rundown

• Wanted to be a chef, studied, got a job didn't take job, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a corrections officer, started to study, was working, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a vet nurse, studied, got a job, due to life reasons, didn't follow through
• Wanted to be a child carer, studied, got a job, studied....

And here we are.

I have my dream firmly set in my mind but that is a long way off and I need to be earning $ to go towards not only my family but to help my dream come reality!

Who knows, I sure don't!

I have a dream....

I have a dream, do you want to know what it is?

What is my dream? My dream is to one day have my own store, not just any store a handmade emporium ( I love that word!) if you will. I want it to be a haven for crafters to come and craft, learn, network, create friendships, buy handmade items from all over the world as well as sell their handmade creations.

I would love my little store to be warm and inspiring, calming and creative.

What my dream looks like in my head...

• Retail space to buy and sell all things handmade, purchase craft books, purchase various crafting supplies such as threads, felt, fabrics, buttons etc etc.
• A coffee lounge with over stuffed couches and arm chairs, lots of pillows and bean bags where you can purchase yummy locally produced sweets, cakes, and savories, and host small craft groups meet up or catch up for a coffee with a friend for a chat or just relax.
• A space with sewing machines/ over lockers/ embroidery machines, body forms etc for people to use either as a class or hire (in store) per hour, making it affordable and accessible for anyone who want's to learn to sew or who doesn't own a machine to do their own sewing.
• Craft Classes (Make and Take), lots of beginner classes as well as things like softie making, screen printing, quilting etc.
• Guess designers hosting talks on their chosen craft, offering demonstrations.
• A place for small business crafters to network, learn the ins and outs of selling their crafts either at market or online.
• Children's craft experiences, a place for kids to express them selves through creativity.
• Wifi for peeps to blog, chat, FB while they craft, or to look up that much needed pattern or tutorial.
• The decoration will be a mixture or vintage, op shop finds, woodland cuteness (so lots of cute mushrooms and deer EVERYWHERE!). 
• Lots more to come...

As you can see I have a lot going on up there. But I feel as time goes on that this is my true calling. I think this is what I was put on this earth to do and damn it I am going to do it one way or another.

What's holding me back? Well money to be blatantly honest, I don't have any nor am I in the position to borrow any from either family or financial institute so for the time being (and unless a long lost relative drops dead and leaves their fortune to me, which I feel isn't going to happen) it will remain as a dream but some day soon I hope that my dream will really come true. But I invite you to come along on my journey, I will be using this blog to document ideas and designs I would love for my place.

So buckle up, hands inside the vehicle and lets get this journey started!